After reading the story of the man receiving Facebook messages from his dead girlfriend I decided to share my own story. This has been taking place for the last three years of my life after mourning the loss of my boyfriend – Spencer. This is a story that I have never told anyone, not even my own family.
Let me give you a little backstory. I was working at a local grocery store my senior year of high school to raise money to go away to college – for the general necessities, of course. I was also taking classes through a vocational school to become a certified nursing assistant my freshman year of college. This is where I met Spence. The girls and the guys were separated among classes – of course most guys were taking auto-mechanics and electrical engineering. There were days that we had – benchmarks they were called – before a big test we would have group days where we all met together in the cafeteria and had a party, that is where I first saw Spencer.
Spencer was tall with dark brown hair and the most stunning icy blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was way too gorgeous for his own good and I quickly3 shoved the thought of going to talk to him to the back of my mind, knowing that he was way too out of my league. I was just a chubby, frizzy-haired girl with an above-average intelligence and no interest in conforming to ‘social norms’.
Just as I had thought, Spence had never noticed me. At all. Months went by and I caught myself wondering where he could have disappeared to. Spence was nowhere to be found and I realized that it was probably a sign from some higher intelligence that we just weren’t meant to be. So I shoved the idea of Spence to the back of my head.
On February 20, 2013, Spencer and his friend walked into where I worked. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he didn’t just disappear off of the face of the Earth. I continued checking people’s buggies out (I had the habit of not looking at customer’s faces when they were in my line – being shy and not knowing how to conversate and all of that) when I finally looked up, I saw Spencer smiling at me from the other side of the register.
“We had vocational (vo for short) together, didn’t we?” I asked him, and obviously I knew we did. He tilted his head, like a confused dog.
“Did we? I feel like I would have recognized a girl like you.” Spencer smiled but I took it as an insult of course. Great, Alyce, he already thinks you’re a weirdo and you’ve been talking for ten seconds.
“Um, yeah…I had nursing. Didn’t you have auto under Mr. Parsons?” I smiled. “I saw you in our class hanging out with your friend, Jaxon, sometimes!”
“Oh yeah! That was shortly before I quit going to Mr. Parsons! I never noticed you before.” Spencer smiled again, with his eyes this time.
“Why did you leave?” I asked. I realized I was being nosy and said, “No, you don’t have to answer that…I’m sorry!”
“No, nothing to apologize for. I had to quit because I needed other credits to graduate. So it was either lose a potential job or never graduate high school. And I figured, staying in the class would be pointless if I couldn’t even do anything with it.” He laughed.
At this time, I was done checking out his small cart of groceries. “Your total will be 21.64! Cash or credit?”
He smiled and handed me 21.64 in exact change. Like he knew that’s what his total would be. I laughed. “How did you-?”
“Creature of habit. Always buy the same things every time.” I laughed at the random assortment of items. Two different kinds of pasta, two different sauces, a box of fruit gushers, a sack of apples, and a discounted 6 pack of bottles of diet coke.
“It was good seeing you-“ He paused to look at my nametag, “Alyce. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you sometime shortly.” He smiled and walked away.
That night after my shift, I noticed that I had a request on Facebook. I checked it and saw that I had a friend request from Spencer. I accepted, of course, as any girl would do.
Almost instantly, I got a message from him.
Spence: Hey, I think you’re supremely cute. I couldn’t tell you in person because I’m too shy.
Me: Aww, that’s sweet…Am I being punked?
Spence: Haha, no! Do you wanna maybe hang out on your lunch or something the next time you work?
At this point, I was screaming. There was no possible way this was actually happening. I was for sure going to get covered in gallons of sheep’s blood or something. I smiled. I typed out a quick reply.
Me: Sure. I work tomorrow and I get lunch at 4:00 tomorrow. Be there or be square.
Spence: :) Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I smiled to myself and turned my phone off, preparing for bed. I needed tons of beauty rest. I knew I had to get up early (I loved sleeping in) to fix my hair and do my makeup. It was totally over the top but I wanted to look good for him.
The next morning rolled around, I put on my best face of makeup and made sure my naturally curly hair was stick straight. I smiled and felt pretty for the first time in my life. I worked my butt off all day, waiting for 4:00 to roll around. Just before 4:00, Spencer walked in. He was wearing a white button up top and a pair of faded blue jeans. I captured a mental image of him in my head and smiled as he walked to the table I usually sat. My phone rang shortly after and I switched my light off and ran to the time clock to punch out for lunch. I ran back to the deli where Spencer was sitting in the corner, fidgeting with his phone. I sat down and he locked his phone and put it in my pocket.
He smiled at me but looked sad. “I wish I would have met you two years earlier.” I nodded, knowing he meant where I was moving away to University in the fall we would have barely any time as a couple. Just a few short months.
Things with Spence were great. We stopped talking for a while after a few months, which he chocked up to family stuff and depression. I told him that I’d always be there for him no matter what and if he was scared he could always talk to me. He would hug me tighter and hold me every time he saw me. And on June 23, 2013, I was his girlfriend. He finally asked me out on a proper date a week away. (dinner and a movie, typical first date stuff)
I worked the whole time from the 23rd to the 29th. The 29th was my last day of work for that week and the next day would be our date. I messaged him my whole day of work.
Here is where things get difficult. It was on a Friday, which was the last Friday of the month – commonly known as Flash Friday. A good portion of our merchandise was marked down for cheap. A family came in and got about 400 dollars worth of groceries. When I got to the end of the second buggy, the bottom of it was full of meat. I picked up a package of beef liver and the blood from the beef liver spilled all down my white shirt and khaki pants. I started crying instantly, knowing that that day had been the worst Flash Friday I had ever had. When I went on to lunch, I had a message from Spence telling me how excited he was for our date. I replied a quick, “Me too.”
Spencer obviously knew something was up, and he began asking me questions. I just told him that work had been particularly shitty that day and it was no big deal! He told me that no matter what he was always here for me. That no matter what I could be his shoulder to cry on.
When I got home from work that day, I had beaucoups of friend requests on facebook, as well as multiple messages from my friend, Alaska.
I shrugged and wondered how I had grown in popularity so fast. Alaska’s texts were asking me if I was okay because she had heard what was going on. I just replied with “What do you mean?” and then she sent, “Oh god…You don’t know do you?”
I was confused and minutes later, my phone rang. “Al, I’m working at the hospital right now.” Alaska said, before pausing. “You really don’t know anything?”
I said, “No, just tell me what’s going on!” I was quite upset at this point because clearly something bad was going on.
“Al, Spence was just admitted into the emergency room…” Alaska said, her voice sounding teary. “Spencer tried to kill himself. He…shot himself in the head.”
I broke. I was choked up. I couldn’t even form words at this point and I was screaming. “Alaska, you’re kidding, right? This isn’t fucking funny.”
Alaska started crying with me. “They don’t think he’s going to make it, Al.” Alaska cried. “Even if he does, he won’t ever be the same…”
I sat on the phone with Alaska for hours, just waiting…waiting to hear something, anything.” Alaska finally had to go and promised me she’d call me the second she finds out what’s going on.
At 3:53 AM, my phone rang. I was tired but couldn’t sleep. I was refusing to check Facebook at this point. Alaska informed me that Spence didn’t make it through surgery.
My heart was broken. Not only three days later (the day of his funeral) I was set to go to my University to register for classes and have orientation. Spence was on my mind the whole time and I felt like a total bitch for not going to his funeral. I refused to believe it.
I sent Spencer a message the night of my first day of orientation. “Spence, I never even got to tell you that I loved you. Loved you from the first minute I saw you. Day one of orientation has been super stressful and I wish you were here to talk to me.” I cried harder than I had in days and curled into a ball on the hotel room bathroom floor.
My phone dinged. I was sure it was just Alaska or one of my friends checking up on me. When I opened the message, I dropped my phone.
Spence: I wish I had met you two years earlier. Love you, love you so much
Spence: You will forever and always be my princess.
Spence: I’m here for you no matter what
Spence: No matter what, I’ll be here for you.
I messaged back, crying harder than before. I hugged my knees to my chest.
Me: This isn’t funny. Whoever this is, go to hell.
Spence: Hell is anywhere where you aren’t, my love.
The messages continued on for months. I asked Spencer’s mom and all of his friends if they were playing a cruel prank on me. I asked them to please stop because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. No one knew what I was talking about; no one had access to Spencer’s Facebook and phone.
Everyone thought I was crazy. I considered checking myself into a mental institution to stop. I believed I had gone crazy myself.
The messages stopped for two years, until tonight. I opened up my facebook and saw I had a message from Spence.
Spence: Hey, I think you’re supremely cute. I couldn’t tell you in person because I’m too shy. * Spence: *I’ll be here for you no matter what.
Spence: I’d love to take you out, care to join me, my love?
I would have visual proof of the conversation, but I deleted all of the messages from Spencer after getting the latest messages. I was inspired to share my own story. Never figured out who it was, but I’d like to think it is Spence letting me know that he still cared about me after all these years. (story originally posted on my reddit)
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