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Application Process

Posted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 7:24 pm
by Zelda
Did you know you have to apply to become a vessel for a devil? It’s not like it is in the movies, simply summoning a demon to your home with a Ouija board or a pentagram, even with a blood sacrifice, it just isn’t enough. Oh sure, back in the day when there was only a few thousand people on the earth and only a small few of them were willing to open up to let Satan in it was that easy. But these days there’s really more than a million people out there more than willing to swallow a creature from another world and let it control their actions.

I know, it’s weird to think that there’d be that many people willing to do it, but there’s also plenty of serial killers, everyday crazies, sadists, and even just teenagers in a dark place in their lives who want to mean something to someone. Even if that meaning is just a flesh suit to a spectre. But I digress. Yes, there’s an application process, just like there is for every other job these days.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you still need to summon the demon first. That’s a given. Blood sacrifice is a good way to get the attention of demons higher up the food chain too, it proves you’re already willing to do some dirty work to get what you want. The more pathetic or “innocent” the sacrifice, the more the devils will be willing to read your, ah, resume. So don’t cheap out on this. I’m talking children, the mentally handicapped, just pick someone you know couldn’t possibly deserve it. And when the demons show up, here’s how you really get them to start considering you, you need to get them to believe the sacrifice deserved it. You need to weave a tale where somehow, some way, this obviously innocent person deserved what they got. If it’s good enough of a reason, they will start examining your credentials.

You have to get them to read your resume. That’s why keeping trophies is important for any aspiring serial killer, but bear in mind that murders alone aren’t actually that uncommon. Now, if you have a very high number of them that could mean something, but if it’s simple kill count alone you’re going to have to be WAY into the hundreds for it to mean anything. Remember, these are beings who have been around since time began, what do they care about a couple dozen homeless people who no one missed? If you have any high profile kills, you definitely want to brag about them now, any other innocents. But remember, as with the sacrifice, you need to keep up the insistence that these people, all of them, deserved what they got from you. This is vital. No demon wants to be told it’s wrong. If it know you are willing to believe that it is in fact righteous, it will be much happier residing inside you.

It helps to keep some video footage around too, to show off your skills. Now, if you specialize in torture there’s always positions available for creativity. Make sure you break out the most original tortures you can think of and you’ll definitely turn some heads. Classic thumbscrews and foot presses might have worked once upon a time, but these days I hear they like more subtle methods. Things that could still be hidden and passed off as suicide work well. Remember that devils are powerful and enjoy having “fun” they are using your mind as much as your body. If you’re creative they will have much more to have fun with, you know? But brutality can also work in some cases, so work with your strengths, always.

Then if you’ve impressed them enough there will be questions of course. What can you provide for the community, do you swear to protect and serve your demon host in all things, do you promise to keep up appearances enough around powerful humans so demonkind can keep its torture of the majority of humanity under wraps etc etc…

Eventually, after all of that, you are free to ask about pension plans, what to do if someone finds out you harbor a demon, how do vacation days work, are kits to remove bloodstains tax deductible etc etc…

Anyway, when all is said and done, you may just get an in. There’s some flashy lights, the demon who decides you’re worthwhile as a host enters your body, and let me tell you THAT itches for a few months… but you get used to it. There’s some time where your new demon host presence will direct you into cleaning up any unsavoury parts of your personality, help you hide any glaringly obvious misdeeds you might have left in sight of the public. Sometimes you end up moving across the country or at least a new state with or without a whole new identity. Sometimes you end up taking a spouse and children really do help your cover, even if they get annoying it’s best to try convincing your demon not to kill them because relocating again is always a bitch. But hey if your spouse is more of a bitch you do what you do, you know?

Mind you, you better hope you impress them. If you don't, you'll just get sent into one of their darkest stink-hole dungeons to rot and get tortured like any of their other victims. So don't actually summon the bastards unless you're damn sure you're ready to apply.

But in the end, all that’s really worth it. Even with a devil down your throat, you still get to be lucid a lot of the time, and I always feel good to see some poor black kid’s face turn purple with my hands around his throat, or see some mentally ill middle aged woman downed by a few bullets in her fat old stomach.

Let me tell you, I am having the time of my life, I completely recommend this. I should have applied to be a cop years ago.

Re: Application Process

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 1:26 am
by Significancejunkie
WHAAAAT? Hahaha, OMG. Fantastic.

Re: Application Process

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 1:30 pm
by Wammgoboz
Wow. You almost lost me till the last line. Awesome framework for a social commentary!

Re: Application Process

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:40 am
by Saluteyourdoctor
this is cruel and completely true, that was great.

Re: Application Process

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:14 pm
by Vikkolli
I made an account JUST to congratulate you on this.
This made me scream, and then do finger-guns at the computer screen because AYYYY I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE.
This was positively brilliant. Keep it up!

Re: Application Process

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 6:15 pm
by Its a Bat
This, this is the quality content I like to see. Nice work.

Re: Application Process

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 11:13 pm
by prismma
oh god... amazing

Re: Application Process

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:32 pm
by PhilosOfi
The cops in my country at least are more helpful than evil well most of them... but seeing the shit happening in america now.. WOW an amazing story, awesome twist AND socially relevant... my fave story so far :))))

Re: Application Process

Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2015 1:19 pm
by AnonymousTypewriter
Lol, truth

Re: Application Process

Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:04 am
by sovereignchild
Oh my god, this is the best thing I've read on her. I literally made an account just to review this (like I saw several other people did as well, haha). It was creepy, clever, funny, and then the END. MY GOD. This was a DELIGHT.

Re: Application Process

Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:42 am
by nordrike
Nice! :^D

Re: Application Process

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:42 pm
by 2Spoopy4U
Now this was a good story until the final line. If you were really a cop, you would understand.

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